i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
