dude i'm inner monologue high
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
