Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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