A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
