guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
