We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
