Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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