the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
