cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
