; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
