My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
