with your own penis?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
