You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
