I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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