I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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