My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
