I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
