yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Vodka?
Forever.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
