look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
