Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
