That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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