I am puke
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
