you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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