i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
