Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
