hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
