You just made me feel so damn special
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
