Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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