I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
