If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
