Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
