There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
