I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
