I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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