We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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