I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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