I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize