Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
PANTIES FOUND
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
