I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
