So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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