I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
