i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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