Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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