after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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