Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
