If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Four minutes until I can fart!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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