in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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