i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
