Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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