she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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