i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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