Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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