note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
