Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
even my farts smell like vagina
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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