In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
