And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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